Once those common colds start to circulate, you can bet your antiseptic wipes that it was children that hooked that shit up in the first place.

One game of kiss chase and the bacteria is laughing, hopscotching from one host to the next with as many cares in the world as its master of ceremonies. Once a weekday, these runny-nosed cretins are bundled together in the equivalent of an oversized petri dish and allowed to run amok. Sharing drinking beakers and silverware fazes them not, sucking on the toes of their own footwear appeals massively, and the three-second rule for felled lollipops is a myth they have absolutely no understanding of. Take a freshly laid pile of mutt excrement for example, a toddler may find this comparable to silly putty and, considering their parents often haven’t explained death to them yet, a fast decomposing shrew carcass is simply begging to be nursed back to full health in their makeshift animal hospitals. They collect, carry and transfer germs at a much faster rate than adults and don’t think twice about picking up whatever foreign objects they happen across while making a general nuisance of themselves. You see, for all their wide-eyed wonderment and cute cheek dimples, kids happen to be the most overworked plague carriers on our planet and there’s nothing sweet-natured about that. Little monster seems more apt, tiny terror hits the nail bang on the head, while ankle-biter pretty much sums them up in a nutshell.

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